hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
