you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
