it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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