Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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