Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
