And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
