I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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