she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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