Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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