Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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