You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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