I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
