You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
