I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
