my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
