I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
