I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
