I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
