I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
