if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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