when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
