Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
