highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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