Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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