Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
