she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
