I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
