Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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