I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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