A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
