What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
