A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
