I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
