i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have tasted many bathrooms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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