Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
