well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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