if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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