Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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