i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
