Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
