Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
