is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
