She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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