Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
