i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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