the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
