she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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