You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
