Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
