hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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