i can't believe i had my finger in that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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